The $25,000 Question

Would you support a project to house a Ukrainian refugee—and some spotlights?

Good Afternoon.

Carillon House, whose street address is 2500 Wisconsin Avenue, NW, sits immediately next to the Russian embassy compound in Washington DC. Its northern face looks over the compound from the South, and it was from the roof of this building that Avery and Matteo and I did the first #SpecialMilitaryOperation last spring. Here’s a picture of the view from the roof:

I have had my eye on the upper-floor apartments along the northern wall of Carillon House for a while now, and I’m sure you can guess why: I want a permanent home for Himar the gobo projector and #LordLaser. I want to be able to operate them remotely, to turn them on any time I want, to keep the Russian spotlight operators up at night. You know, I want to be able to be an asshole more often and with less effort.

Last night, I noticed that two apartments that may be suitable for my purposes have become available—to wit, apartments 720 and 726. Both should be above the trees. Both should have a direct sightline on the main embassy building. Both are on an acute angle, though that should be manageable—particularly in the case of 720. I immediately wrote to the building’s management asking to see the apartments.

My idea is simple: I need the window of this apartment. I don’t need the rest of the apartment. Some Ukrainian refugee, however, does need an apartment.

You see where I’m going with this: I can kill two birds with one stone by renting the place, taking over a small area by the window, and letting someone else use the apartment itself. One of my neighborhood spies sent me a copy of the building’s lease, which I am currently studying to see whether the document prohibits shining bright lights with offensive messages onto neighborhood buildings. I suspect not, but you know, due diligence and all that jazz.

Here’s the thing, though: While I have never taken a dime of other people’s money to run #SpecialMilitaryOperations and have always been happy to pay for these myself, I actually can’t easily afford this one—which will cost something like $25,000 to do properly. I think it’s an investment worth making. It’s housing for some as-yet-not-identified refugee who doesn’t mind living next door to the enemy’s embassy. And it’s an opportunity to run an SMO every night.

Every single night.

The easiest way for me to collect money is simply to have people subscribe to #DogShirtDaily, so here is what I am going to do. While I figure out whether this is doable—which should take about a week—I am creating a special deal for people who want to support this scheme. If you are not already a paid subscriber, the below link gives a 30 percent discount on a year’s subscription to #DogShirtDaily. For people who want to make small contributions, feel free to subscribe for a month or two or three or six and then drop off.

If I raise enough money this way, I won’t do anything more. So err on the side of subscribing—which also gives you the subscriber benefits on #DogShirtDaily—and of giving subscriptions as gifts:

If I can’t raise enough money this way, I may scratch the idea, or I might set up a GoFundMe or something of the kind to fund it separately from #DogShirtDaily. So this brings me to my second question:

Thanks to everyone who wants to support this project and to everyone for candid replies.

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Today’s #BeastOfTheDay is “Chonkosaurus,” who was nominated by the estimable Frank Valadez and is the giant snapping turtle o the Chicago river: