Slut-Shaming a Platypus

Is an echidna next?

Good Evening:

The University of Maryland has announced its commencement speaker for this year: Kermit the Frog.

No, I’m not joking. Here’s the statement:

COLLEGE PARK, Md. - The University of Maryland announced today that Kermit the Frog will deliver the university’s commencement address on Wednesday, May 21, 2025. The beloved Muppet and legendary frog will address summer 2024, winter 2024 and spring 2025 graduates, family and friends during the ceremony at SECU Stadium.

After a sold-out visit to campus in fall 2024 as part of the College of Arts and Humanities Dean’s Lecture Series, Kermit the Frog returns to the university from The Muppets Studio, part of the Magic of Disney, to share an inspiring message with this year’s graduates.

Kermit the Frog’s appearance honors the long history between UMD and Muppets creator Jim Henson, who graduated from UMD in 1960. Henson, a home economics major, invented Kermit by building the original frog puppet out of one of his mother’s coats and a ping-pong ball cut in half.

“I am thrilled that our graduates and their families will experience the optimism and insight of the world-renowned Kermit the Frog at such a meaningful time in their lives,” said UMD President Darryll J. Pines. “Our pride in Jim Henson knows no bounds, and it is an honor to welcome Kermit the Frog to our campus, 65 years after Mr. Henson graduated from the University of Maryland. I sincerely thank The Muppets Studio, Disney and their creative teams for making this possible.

There’s even a New York Times story.

I confess that I didn’t have this one on my 2025 bingo card. But I’m for it. Kermit is a far better commencement speaker than our senior government officials. He’s a unifying figure whom everyone seems to like in these divided, polarized time.

And he sang this:

And this:

The only problem with this idea is that it doesn’t go far enough. If we are going to have non-human, fictional creatures are commencement speakers, we should consider the whole range of possibilities. There are a lot of universities out there, and many of them need commencement speakers, after all. Here are a modest set of initial recommendations of famous puppets who are probably available:

• R2D2

• The Alien

• Audrey II

• The Team America World Police Cast

And of course, there’s The Cactus, whom I’m sure

Holly Berkley Fletcher

would make available for only a modest honorarium.

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Today on #DogShirtTV, the estimable Mike Pesca joined me to talk about scandals, podcasts, and the JFK assassination. Just as we were settling in, the estimable John Hawkinson alerted us that the Atlantic had released the full Houthi PC Small Group messages, so we held a live reading of leaked battle plans instead.

The puppy was present once more:

The podcast edition is available here.

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Today On Lawfare

Compiled by the estimable Caroline Cornett

Nuclear Deterrence in the Age of AGI

Simon Goldstein and Peter N. Salib argue that the most important question in the race for artificial general intelligence (AGI) is whether AGI will nullify nuclear deterrence and the framework that has prevented war between global powers since World War II:

Leopold Aschenbrenner is one of the few commenters to have addressed the question explicitly. He claims that “superintelligent” AIs will be able to use sensors to find an adversary’s nuclear weapons, and use billions of tiny autonomous drones to disable them.

If so, the consequences will be dire. If one nuclear armed nation were to develop AGI first, it would quickly become the only nuclear armed nation. That nation could then dictate terms to the rest of the world. It might demand tribute from other nations on pain of annihilation. Or it might simply annex large swaths of the globe.

Bondi’s Dismantling of the Kleptocracy Team Threatens National Security

Alexis Loeb explains why Attorney General Pam Bondi’s decision to disband the Department of Justice’s Kleptocracy Team—tasked with ensuring that the United States economy could not be used to launder the proceeds of corruption—will make it easier for corrupt actors to exploit the U.S. market and undermine the standing of the U.S. abroad:

The Kleptocracy Asset Recovery Initiative policed some of the most obvious, gross violations of law imaginable: privileged rulers who stole millions—or billions—from their countries, often while ordinary citizens, to whom the money rightfully belonged, remained poverty-stricken. While the Kleptocracy Asset Recovery Initiative benefited the security and stability of the United States and its financial system, it was not just a naked effort to promote American economic interests. It was an attempt by the United States to live up to ideals of fairness and equality, and to help others around the globe realize basic economic opportunities by using U.S. legal tools to fight the scourge of grand corruption that is antithetical to any conception of justice or fairness. The abandonment of an initiative that has fought some of the most blatant injustices—theft by the powerful, by the very rich from the very poor—should prompt reflection about a deeper question: What does it say about what America stands for? The country has now sent the message around the world that, essentially, it no longer cares if rulers steal while ordinary people live in poverty. It no longer cares if those rulers exploit the U.S. financial system to stash and enjoy the benefit of what they have stolen, through Park Avenue condominiums or Malibu mansions. Its commitment to return the looted money to the people to whom it rightfully belongs is now recast not as embodiment of American commitment to values of equality, opportunity, and dignity; that was the policy preference of a particular administration or two, something that could be abandoned at a moment’s notice. The abrupt abandonment of this mission to police some of the most obvious examples of gross injustice damages any noble conception of what America is.

Podcasts

On Lawfare Daily, Shane Harris joins me to talk about how Atlantic’s editor-in-chief was added to a group chat on Signal with top government officials to discuss military strikes in Yemen, the Trump administration’s remarkable security lapse, and the testimony of the country’s intelligence chiefs that came in its wake:

On Lawfare No Bull, Caroline Cornett shares the audio from oral arguments before the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit on whether to stay a temporary restraining order issued on March 15—which bars summary removals of alleged members of Tren de Aragua, a Venezuelan criminal gang—under the Alien Enemies Act of 1798. It is available here.

Videos

At 12:30 p.m. this afternoon, Shane Harris and I discussed the Atlantic’s decision to release the attack plans that President Donald Trump’s advisers shared in a Signal group chat that included the Atlantic editor-in-chief Jeffrey Goldberg:

On March 28 at 4 p.m. ET, I will sit down with Anna Bower, Roger Parloff, Scott R. Anderson, James Pearce, and David D. Cole to discuss the status of the civil litigation against Trump’s executive actions, including the deportation of individuals under the Alien Enemies Act, the detention of Mahmoud Khalil, and the targeting of law firms:

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Today’s #BeastOfTheDay is the platypus, specifically a platypus named Penelope who is the subject of one of the greatest Wikipedia entries of all time. For some sense of what I (EJ Wittes) mean, I present the article’s table of contents:

After some searching, I have been unable, alas, to locate a photo of Penelope, but please enjoy this absurd news reel footage of Penelope and two compatriots arriving at the Bronx Zoo:

In honor of today’s Beast, never stop fighting the system.

I honestly didn’t think I could get this interested in a platypus who died 70 years ago, but I am fascinated by the capacity of 1950s newspapers to slut-shame the beast. It’s genuinely remarkable. Check it out: